Seamus Mills

Father of seven, Seamus from Artane in Dublin, was a contractor for Dublin Airport when he had his stroke at the age of 62.

The Saturday night before I had my stroke in March 2008 I was at my first granddaughter’s first birthday party. I was feeling grand.

I was self-employed, working as a contractor delivering lost luggage for Dublin Airport. On Sunday, they called me at 6pm to see if I would do a couple of deliveries. I always went to the local community centre for a drink on a Sunday evening, so I was a bit reluctant but I got my Hi-Ace and headed out anyway.

While I was out doing the deliveries I called my wife Breda to tell her I would definitely be back in time for us to go out for a drink. I was almost finished and turning left past Bushy Park in Terenure when all of a sudden I didn’t feel right. I was not weak, I didn’t feel faint but I knew there was something wrong.

I pulled in the van and as soon as I stopped fierce pins and needles started shooting up my arm. I thought these were the symptoms of a heart attack so I called 999. Just then my speech started to go. I was also starting to fall towards the left of the car seat. My glasses kept falling off me as well. The emergency operator was asking me where I was but I couldn’t remember the name of the road. I saw a couple coming down the road and despite the fact that my speech was warbled I was able to ask them the name. They were just out for a walk and didn’t know either so they ran up to the nearest house. Lucky for me, the lady in the house was a nurse. She knew immediately that I was having a stroke.

Throughout it all I was sitting in the van, worrying about my deliveries and wanting to phone my wife again.

At the hospital I was met by the stroke physician. I had no pain and I wasn’t frightened but they told me my blood pressure was sky high. I was moved into intensive care for a few days and then to the high dependency unit for three or four more. I don’t remember much about that. My family told me though that while I was in the high dependency unit they were doing exercises on my left hand to get as much movement into it as possible. The doctors had told them that I should be trying to keep my hand open and to keep moving it.

I was really fearful when I woke up a few days later because I couldn’t move. They told me I had had a stroke. I didn’t know what that was. My speech was still warbly and I was wondering would I always be like this.

Then I was moved to the Stroke Ward. Normally you have to be over sixty-four to get into that ward. I thought it was funny that I was considered too young.  One of my daughters was very persistent in convincing them to let me in.

The treatment I got throughout my stay in the different wards of the hospital was excellent. Everyone was terrific. But at the same time I was totally stressed by the hospital situation. Not being able to use the toilet or bathe myself. Those were the things that really stressed me. I get stressed even thinking about it now.

The nurses’ aides were amazing. I couldn’t rate them highly enough. They do all the really hard work, putting up with your moaning. They are at the coldface caring for patients and know your limitations. They almost know what you are thinking. I think doctors should consult with them.

I started physio in the high dependency unit. At that stage I couldn’t move my left side. I just had a tiny bit of movement in my left thumb and my leg was almost totally numb. When I was moved to the Stroke Ward I had to be hoisted in and out of bed. I was terrified; I couldn’t imagine a day when I could walk again. The doctors can’t tell you how you’ll heal, because everyone has a different experience.

I was always feeling that my progress was too slow. I think that if my therapy had been more intensive I might have gotten more movement back. That said, I did get up to an hour of therapy most days I was in hospital. But I couldn’t get enough therapy. I just wanted to keep working at it.

You have to do your exercises and be positive. When you do get movement back it makes you determined to achieve more. At the beginning, my left hand was a closed fist and I couldn’t move it. After awhile when I realised I could open out my hand I became elated. Imagine the euphoria that getting movement back can give you.

I found it hard to get my balance and was nervous that I would fall. You really lose your confidence. And the therapists, they have the patient of Job. They keep working with you. I got great support from my occupational therapist and physiotherapist.

One day when I was in the hospital I prayed for a miracle. I’d say that I got that miracle in the form of my physio, she got me back walking. When I walked those first few steps I broke down crying.

My family were brilliant in helping with my recovery. My wife and our seven children came to visit me all the time. Three to four times a day they came in to help me practice speech exercises. After three or four weeks my speech was almost perfect again.

You become the doctor after a stroke. You need to tell the doctors how it is affecting you. They can’t really assess you to see exactly how you have been affected. You don’t even always know yourself. For example, a few weeks after my stroke I got a terrible fright when I realised I had no feeling at all in one of my hands. Late at night in the hospital I had wanted to get my book. The physio always told me to use my weak hand to do everything to build it up – they almost brain wash you into exercising! Everytime I reached for a particular book, I dropped it. I couldn’t understand why because I could see my hand was moving properly. Then it dawned on me that the weight was the problem, I had no feeling in my hand so I couldn’t judge the weight. I was devastated about that.

The doctors and nurses prepare you well. They tell you that you will have rapid progress for 4-6 months and that after that it will become much slower. When they said this to me at first I thought they were just trying to get rid of me, but they were preparing me.

After four months in the hospital I wasn’t dying to get out. I felt safe and secure there. I was afraid to lose the security and attention and was also really afraid that I would have another stroke. That fear is gone now.

I started to go home gradually – going home for a while on a couple of Sundays. Once I got a taste of home though I really wanted to get out. I had to wait three weeks to get handrails fitted on the stairs before I could go home for good.

The stroke nurse in the hospital was brilliant. Before I left she said that I could phone her at any time, twenty-four hours if I needed to talk about anything. That was a great thing to hear.

Before I left, the hospital gave me the number for a local stroke group and through them I was able to organise for a physio and an OT to come out to the house twice a week. You do have to chase for services when you come out of hospital. If you sit at home, they miss you.

I think the most frightening thing when you have a stroke is that you won’t be able to walk again. When I first came out of hospital I was in a wheelchair. I don’t use it as much anymore though, just when I might be moving around a lot, like on holiday.

I left hospital in July and ever since I’ve been getting physio from the HSE, either at home or in the Stroke Rehabilitation Unit in Baggot Street Hospital. It is great to get treatment. I have great sympathy for people down the country who mightn’t have access to as many therapists. Not only do they miss out on therapy but they miss out on the encouragement that therapists can give you. The treatment I received was great – it just wasn’t intensive enough.

Now I think I’ve reached my plateau. And after two years of intensive rehab I’d decided to take it easier. I need to do that for myself. While you are doing rehab, your progress is constantly on your mind. Now, I have the stamina to walk for an hour and a half at a push. I need to start getting on with my life.

After a stroke, life becomes an absolute nuisance. My quality of life has certainly deteriorated. But I know I’ll become accustomed to how I am now and will forget what I used to do. New things come into your life. For me that has been my family because I now have much more time for them. All that opens up and makes life worthwhile. I’m so glad I’m alive.

I also have great friends. They are still calling into me all the time. After a stroke you do lose your social routine. I was big into golfing before. You fall out of the loop a bit because you aren’t sitting with your friends in the pub anymore. That said, I still go out for a drink and I’m still being invited to every golf event. They are very good.

My wife, Breda has been amazing. She has suffered more than I did. She might have more movement than me but she doesn’t want to go to things without me so she is missing out on a lot of social events. It was also much, much harder for her at the beginning. I would never have recovered as well without her. She was better than any doctor. When I was in the hospital she would come up to me at 8am every morning and attend to me.

When I first got home she was doing everything for me as I settled back in. Now, I can make her a cup of tea and bring it into her in the front room. That feels good.

After my stroke I didn’t ask, ‘Why me?’, instead I thought, ‘Why not me?’. I can cope with it. A lot of people wouldn’t have the support I have. Life is good.